Good, gross, growing

Happy Sunday! It’s hard to believe it’s back to school after the holidays. Where’d the last two weeks go?! I feel like I got a lot figured out and plenty of thinking (that needed to be done) in but it couldn’t end without a little more, of course.

I indeed got that pedicure I so deserved after yesterday’s 17km of hell  hills.

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The girl next to me was a stripper. NBD. Since my mom wasn’t with me and I talk to strangers, I got some life story from her. Restraining orders, ex boyfriends, etc. Oh, the people I meet!

I spent the afternoon relaxing, trying to nap, and shopping! I bought myself jeans that feel better than my current go to pair. They were 29$ at winners and even though it’s hard for me to fold up the old ones that just do not fit my butt/thigh combination anymore (the size up is too big, the size down is too small, and these are not ideal), I know I need to deal with this jeans situation!

I started to feel pretty sick (I think I just overdid it at lunch with that huge salad) but had dinner plans with a friend so I was not about to bail.

I had a beer with my dinner, which was delicious. We went to Waldo’s on King (it’s in the market here in London and they use fresh ingredients from the market…yum!) and I had baked chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and green beans. You better believe I cleaned my plate! Apparently I was hungry after all!

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After dinner I went to some friends’ house for a party/a trip downtown. I had another drink and a half and that was probably, in combination with how tired was, not such a great plan. I got home at about 1, had some chocolate, some teddy grahams, and part of two 100 calorie packs that are collecting dust in my cupboard. I am the least exciting drunk eater ever, but that stuff isn’t even good. What would have been good is going to bed, instead of opening multiple snack packs and eating part of each. Eventually I just had one because I knew Ed was messing with me and that having a 200 calorie pack of teddy grahams isn’t going to make me fat OR unhealthy. Bingeing would make me unhealthy or at least not where I want to be with my recovery.

I tried to sleep in today but I am uber frustrated with myself. If the eating so un-ideally (not what I ate, but how I ate, folks) part of the title was the gross part, here comes the growing aspect (the good being the pedicure, the dinner, the seeing my friends). I hate that I am still so vulnerable and I want this all to be in the past. I realize that I need to give myself some credit since this is a pretty anxiety-ridden weekend (with the stress over my financial aid applications, the thought of going back to school for my last semester, etc) and that I can’t beat myself up because I am still SO FAR ALONG from where I used to be.

For some people, the answer is not drinking. Kind of like for some people, the rich thing is to get “trigger foods” or things they might slip up with out of their house. I’m not one of those people, I don’t think. Call me crazy for putting myself into temptation’s way, but I don’t think I want to abstain from drinking because Ed says I’m more likely to binge if I drink. I don’t think not being able to keep a chocolate bar around is really the definition of “recovery” that I’m after. It might take a little more effort and work but I am aiming for fully recovered so I know this is all part of the process of getting to where I want to be.

I started the morning on the right track. Do the next right thing. That was eating a good breakfast, heading out for a really short (15 minute) recovery run — and poop my knee hurt so I’ve got some icing to do — and then being good to myself with some yoga. I had a gatorade and a good sweat session at hot yoga so I’m feeling a little bit like I could fall asleep in my bliss.  I was thirsty after yoga so I knew there’d be soup or maybe a smoothie in my lunch future. I tried to beef up my green monster but it was a fail. I used oatmeal because I’ve read that it can help thicken and works well, but I don’t think my porridge mix of spelt and rye and kamut flakes is any good. Maybe good old fashioned rolled oats would be smoother and would work. I probably ate a serving of the things “testing” the creations and picking the yummy trail mix out of my tupperware container (an old habit I’m ready to put to rest, but not judging myself). After a few peanut butter fingers, I just settled on the classic recipe with a banana, spinach, cocoa, peanut butter and ice cubes. Lesson: Why mess with perfection?

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back on track: cereal, greek yogurt, banana, walnuts, and honey with the last of my eggnog-flavoured coffee

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fail 1

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fail 2

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perfection!

Now I’m relaxing, doing some laundry, and waiting for a friend to give me the heads up that she’s ready for our long overdue coffee date. I could worry about the fact that my floors are dirty or that we’re going back to school, but I’m going to blog, read magazines, and see her instead. I’m hoping to get to bed early every night this week so I think today should be no problem!

Do you drink? Why or why not?
Have you ever tried oatmeal in a smoothie?
Are you heading back to work/school tomorrow? How ya feelin’ about it?

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One response to “Good, gross, growing

  1. nom nom nom I’ve just been nomming randomly on things today too! I remember having a tendency to do that more when its that time of the month so maybe its that…or maybe i’m hungry…orr maybe its a habit…oh well. It looks like you definitely got back on track though! I totally thought of you and tried to make a green monster after the gym today – it was a huge fail, just spinach, almond milk, tofu, and vanilla protein powder…the banana and PB must be essential for flavor/sweetness cuz mine was NASTY lol.

    And beer…yes, I definitely love me some beer! I didn’t really drink all this past fall because my senior year of college I went, um, a little overboard haha I was just tired of it. But over Christmas my Dad got me some create-your-own sixpacks so I’m rekindling my love for beer! My faves are Stella Artois, Shocktop, and Leinenkugel…I’m all about the wheat beers haha. Beer is carbs, and oddly I always have great runs the day after I drink? Shockingly, I’m also not much of a drunk-eater either – I usually just eat my normal bedtime snack when I come home tipsy haha. weird…lucky I guess, but weird.

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