Letting myself

Ooooh it is so close to my bedtime it’s not even funny! Today was a busy day that started with my 16km run in the snow (love) plus my first green monster and then got better…

I had a reunion with Tiana and Bonnie. I’ve not seen Tiana in AGES! We couldn’t remember when it last was but I know one thing: it’s been too long! She is the same happy go lucky amazing friend I’ve missed but just getting to spend a day with her reminded me that I can be fun like that. LOVE it when you can get together with someone and feel like you’ve not missed a beat.

We went to Stoke’s with a bunch of my friends so I got to feel special special and more special. There was food, there were gifts, there was dessert, there was even SINGING! 🙂

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Turkey club, no bacon for me today! I could not eat all that bread but I had a caesar salad on the side (that I really didn't need, but oh well).

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My devil eyes don't reflect the HAPPY I felt! Friends friends friends, THANK YOU!

 

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Don't worry, I shared!

I gave Tiana a mini tour of Sarnia, which I assured her would’ve been more fun if we were willing to get out of the car (i.e. if it was July–Sarnia is definitely better in the summer!) and then we came back to my Mom’s place for the big events:

1) GIFTS!

We celebrated mine and Tiana’s birthdays and a little bit o’ Christmas too! 🙂 All in a day’s work. If you look close you can see the other bday gifts I got today on the table! I am so spoiled.

1) GIFTS: 20111218-222537.jpg

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Random runner's necessity: shoe deodorizer--PENGUIN brand!

Among my gifts? Socks, a sh0rtsleeve workout tee, a long sleeve running tee, a pullover for the gym, tea, a necklace, chocolate (of course), shoe deodorizer, the cutest notes ever, TEA and a cup to make it in (from David’s — the good stuff!), scratch tickets, a jewelry holder in the shape of a high heel (zebra print, naturally) and so much freaking love I can’t describe it!

2. GINGERBREAD DECORATING!

Considering last year’s creation was “unique”, we did a pretty good job this year:

Complete with Tiana's guard... 🙂

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…but unfortunately structurally we fell apart after we snapped the picture.

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But really, we were too happy to worry about it.

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"Miss you" isn't really strong enough...

I was sad to see those girlies go, but short and sweet is better than nothing and that was a PERFECT way to finish up my birthday celebrations.

After eating plenty of sweets this afternoon (after our late lunch), I wasn’t very hungry for dinner but decided to eat something anyways because I wanted to stay on somewhat of the right track. Easy choice? Ceasar salad with turkey! Noms.

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I wasn’t really intending on having dessert, but I started to peek at the cake in the fridge. I love the turtle’s cake the second day, so when I literally had it out and was cutting a small piece to just have a bite or two, I realized how stupid I was being and told myself to have it.

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I even ate it in bed.

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How?

  • It’s still my birthday weekend and treats are treats.
  • I knew if I didn’t have it, I’d feel bad about the couple bites I did anyways. The guilt was already there, and I’d not even enjoyed it. If I had a piece, I reasoned studying would be easier (yes, but studying still sucks).
  • I am keeping with the idea that if most of my choices are good, then it’s okay to indulge now and again and to save those indulgences for situations where it’s something really good that I want. And I wanted it, and it’s my favourite cake. Done deal.
  • I thought it through: even if with the ice cream I took in say, 700 calories, it would take five nights in a row to gain ONE pound if I didn’t eat less as a result (i.e. I didn’t need a snack after dinner tonight, so there you go, take off some of that anyways).
  • Reminding myself that any of the “extra” weight I feel like I’m carrying is NOT from desserts that I truly wanted. That weight belongs on me, and is healthy. It’s the bingeing and the overeating that I do for other reasons that weighs me down (mentally, physically, emotionally).
  • Texting 2 supportive friends and letting them know what was going on. If I say I’m owning this decision to have a piece, not to binge, it makes it really something that I’m not ashamed of (as does blogging about it). It also helps to have someone tell you that’s normal, and to get back to studying!
If you’re struggling at all, I hope this helps a little. Perspective, taking back power, and owning your decision (saying okay, I’m going to have this and I’m going to enjoy it) are KEY, in my experience. PLEASE don’t let Ed or society or your critical aunt tell you you shouldn’t enjoy something this holiday–regardless of whether you’re overweight, underweight, or at your perfect weight. It’s not about that, it’s about taking care of yourself, in the present. Trust the process.
Guess what I was able to do after? Study, albeit a little, for Wednesday’s exam! I really don’t want to accept that I have to write it. Can’t I just enjoy this Christmas buildup? Urgh, but it’s my last exam (since my courses next semester are exam-less) so I can stop complaining any time!
Just to make myself feel even PROUDER, I was good to myself after eating dessert/studying. Usually I’d be fussing (I know I’ve mentioned tho before), but I managed to shut Ed up and took time to foam roll and stretch before I got ready for my blogging/bedtime routine! I got a mini foam roller for my birthday today (I returned a scarf that I didn’t need–no hurt feelings with my mother) and it was PERFECT! My legs are tiredddd and my ankle hurts a little (too much too soon? just fatigued? let’s hope) so I’m taking care of myself.

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Guess what? I am still happy, even though I had a weekend full of treats. Not pictured? The nachos I helped my mom with, the chocolate we ate while decorating, etc. Because only now am I realizing I had it all! I don’t think I’m 120910291 pounds heavier, but I know one thing: I had a great weekend, and I feel HAPPIER for it…

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What did you do this weekend?
Do you use a foam roller?
Do you live in the same city as your best friends?

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2 responses to “Letting myself

  1. this post makes me SO happy!! I’m so glad you let yourself have that piece of delicious cake. Food isn’t just for the body, its for the soul too 🙂 and you’re right, every girl deserves to “indulge” in things she really loves every now and then! Last night, I indulged in pasta with marinara sauce and meatballs AND a Sam Adams Winter lager (my favorite) AND christmas cookies…and I was definitely beating myself up about it a little (it was a rest day too!), so thank you for posting this because I definitely needed to read it 🙂

    • LOVE it when people can relate.

      I really believe we will all balance out at “healthy” if we just eat and let ourselves regulate things without interfering. Having faith might not be easy but it’s worth it, I think! I’m trying to be living proof here.

      Way to make me hungry for pasta, BTW! 🙂

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