This is going to be one of those posts.
With all the excitement and stress of the holidays and exams and let’s be honest, life, upon us, what better time to reflect?
Yesterday I did some thinking…
Why’d it take a solid month of bingeing/letting my ED convince me that it was okay to eat candy bars every day just to prove ED wrong (okay, there’s clearly two EDs in my mind or I clearly have multiple personalities)? Why am I sharing this with you?
Because I had another big “breakthrough” that I CAN want to:
- work out
- eat healthy
- look “good”
- not use food as comfort, distraction, etc.
WITHOUT overdoing it.
I am allowed to look like a fitness instructor, to prefer whole grain bread, to get antsy if I can’t work out. What I realized is that forcing myself to eat junk food to prove something, to shun the gym, and to tell myself that I don’t care about looking fit or not is JUST as bad as being overly consumed by my attempts to be healthy. What’s changed is the definition of “healthy.”
HEALTHY = BALANCED
BALANCED RIGHT NOW =
- eating foods that make me feel good and being honest when I eat things that make me feel bad/choosing not to eat those
- enjoying treats
- taking rest days
- working out hard
…what purpose does holding onto this ED have?
NOT an easy question.
- it gives me a reason to be lonely/single/etc.
- it gives me a reason to do bad on my exams
- if i don’t get into grad school, I can blame ED
“Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” -Robert Schuller
“Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person.” –David Burns
“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anaïs Nin (I want this tattooed on my body, just saying)“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”
- inspirational/motivating (fitness instructing, etc.)
How do you want to be seen?
Do you think you have to figure out where your ED comes from? Or just deal with it, for lack of a better phrase?
Are you a perfectionist? (girl who has been at Starbucks biting her nails for the last 4 hours, I’m thinking of you)