Ed says, Cheryl says

Ohhhh Lordy, here we go.

I spent longer than anticipated this morning putting together a draft for my piece about health bloggers. I’m going to post it once I wrap it up, add some photos, etc. and make it pretty, so don’t worry, you can all see the proof that I’ve been working hard.

When I got home, I got crafty for lunch.

Whole grain tortilla, cheddar cheese, spinach, and black beans...on the Foreman Grill!

Here’s another recipe..

Black bean, cheddar, and spinach quesadilla
Serves 1

Ingredients:
1 whole grain tortilla
1-2 oz. cheddar cheese, thinly sliced
1/3 cup canned black beans, rinsed
handful of spinach
salsa and sour cream (or plain yogurt), optional

Directions:
Place tortilla onto heated Foreman Grill. Layering cheese, beans, and spinach onto half of the tortilla, flip the bottom side up and close the grill. Let cook for a few minutes ’til the cheese is melted and the tortilla is brown.

Serve with salsa and sour cream or plain yogurt, if desired. Enjoy!

 

This was such an easy and delicious lunch. I’d like to add diced green onions and some tomatoes next time and I can see some chicken or beef quesadillas in my future! Yum. Variety is the spice of life.

After lunch, I made a list of things I wanted to get done today and realized I’d feel most productive if I ran my errands before the gym. I headed out to tackle the list, which was mostly things I needed to pick up. Shopping, anyone? I was planning on going to the gym after, but as the afternoon wore on and the lines grew longer and longer at every store I went to, I swear all this week’s workouts caught up with me and I totally lost any desire to go the gym.

I spent a lot of my afternoon battling back and forth in my mind.

Ed says: If you don’t go to the gym, you’re lazy. You have the afternoon off and you choose to shop instead? You deserve to be fat.
Cheryl says: Actually, I’m not lazy. I’m getting things done that I will have to do sooner or later and that are stressing me out. I’m not going to believe you when you say that I’m lazy for not going to the gym one day this week.
Ed says: You’re not even doing a “real” workout tomorrow. You’re going to run half the distance you normally do and you’ll probably be running slow so it doesn’t count.
Cheryl says: I think running tomorrow for fun is a sign that I’m starting to use exercise for pleasure again, rather than for punishment. I’d never call a friend or a client lazy for running a five kilometre race, even if they walked the whole thing. That’s the kind of exercise I need to remind me why I like to move in the first place.
Ed says: You’re letting yourself go. Two “easy” days in a row and you don’t even have a plan for Sunday…or next week…or the break.
Cheryl says: Whoah Ed, I don’t think most people know exactly what they’ll do for a workout 3 weeks from now. I worked out every other day this week and I’m fairly certain working out more days than not (or even getting to the gym, period) makes me worthy of feeling accomplished.
Ed says: Your workouts didn’t all count. You hardly did any cardio and you just did a class the other night.
Cheryl says: My workouts do count, as does running around shopping, walking to and from campus, and all the other things I do. When I don’t kill myself at the gym, I have the energy to be nice to people, to cook, to do my laundry, and to generally take care of the other parts of my life. When I lifts weights instead of forcing myself to do boring cardio, I feel strong and you feel weak.
Ed says: With all the parties coming up, you need to listen to me and get to the gym.
Cheryl says: With all the parties coming up, I have a prime opportunity to prove to you that I’m better than that. I get a chance to be with people I love and I get a chance to show you that there are other things that can make me happy and make me feel like I’m in control.
Ed says: You’re not in control. You don’t know what to study for your exams, you don’t know what to write for your admissions application, and you have no idea what you’re going to do next year.
Cheryl says: That still doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to study, write something, and apply. I can have a bunch of plans in mind and as long as I have goals and am always checking in to see what makes me happy, I’m going to end up in the right place.
Ed says: What if you don’t.
Cheryl says: I might go down a wrong path here or there, but at least I can try. If I give in to you all the time, I’m definitely staying unhappy.
Ed says: Okay, but you have been eating like you’re going to work out. You shouldn’t have had those snacks. That granola bar was stupid. You better not eat a full dinner tonight. Have a salad and some protein.
Cheryl says: Regardless of whether or not I’m working out, I need to eat and I need to eat regularly. Granola bars aren’t the devil and I don’t have to restrict on purpose to eat less when I don’t work out. My body will be hungrier when I do and if I just trust it, I’ll figure it out. Exercise and eating balance out. We’re not meant to overeat, under eat, or control our weight, Ed. So if I was hungry for a fancy salad, I’d have it. But I don’t think I am, so I think I’ll have something different and ignore you when you tell me that I might as well binge.
Ed says: You’re going to get fat if you keep doing this. What happened to the fit, healthy Cheryl?
Cheryl says: This is the fit, healthy Cheryl. The one who can work out when she feels like it but admit when she needs a day off. In fact, I’m fitter and healthier and stronger than I’ve ever been before and the Cheryl I want to be doesn’t beat herself up for not going to the gym. I think you’re just mad because I’m turning into that healthy girl who doesn’t need you any more, Ed. Leave me alone, I’ve got some baking to do…

I know, it’s a little out there to have a conversation with Ed. It’s not really that easy for me to put it all out there on my blog, but I know in the past that it’s helped me feel better and maybe some of you can relate. The first time I was introduced to the concept of talking back was in Jenni Schaefer’s books. It was immensely helpful early on in recovery and it keeps me separated from the part that wants me to relapse or to fall back now. The holidays are happy times and applying to grad school and finishing my undergrad is all exciting, but they’re filled with uncertainty which means that I’m in a vulnerable place. That I know, and like I said, I’m using all of this as an opportunity to show how far I’ve come.

For now, that’s it. Kind of a big deal, right? I’ll be back with some hopefully light-hearted updates. It’s time for some Buble, baking, and laundry before I tackle my portfolio tonight.

Here are some quotes I think apply:

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” -Sally Field

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” -Unknown

“If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.” -Louise L.Hay

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” Edmund Hillary

 

 

 

 

 

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2 responses to “Ed says, Cheryl says

  1. Pingback: Can I go to bed yet? « eatplayluvblog

  2. Pingback: Admitting it. « eatplayluvblog

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