A short one…

Hey! This is going to be a quick update since this week is oh so busy!

Last night after work I was reunited with my Cannondale – love! I was feeling really BLAH about heading out, but I felt pretty good on the bike. The run after went quick too. Afterwards, I was ravenous, ate a little more than I meant to at dinner, and ended up with a little bit of a tummy ache. I blame the stress over being so busy and having so much going on, but I know it’s not an excuse!

I woke up this morning and went to Thames for my swim, not looking forward to it since it’s chilly. I swam my 2500m but I had to switch one of the interval sets to just a set of 400m pull. I really wasn’t feeling it, but I did meet some people who swim at Western during the school year in the early mornings (through the coaches swim that I guess is uber popular and will fill up quickly)—I was thinking of signing up and I think this is a sign that I should at least try to get in!

Training at the gym, which is always fun, got off to a good start but I started to feel really really sick to my stomach. Before lunch, I headed home for a nap, which helped! I didn’t have lunch though, and I eventually ate an apple and some really addictive cinnamon sugar almonds (I think they’re like pralines, but more delicious and probably less nutritious). I’m really trying to go with this intuitive eating thing so of all the food I had packed, this is what appealed the most! The training day ended with a social at The Wave. I wish I’d gotten a picture of the awesome appetizers—pita and dips and hummus, veggies, fruit, and really good chips! I took some but wasn’t that hungry so I let it sit while we all socialized. Eventually, the hunger came on and I started to eat my plates! I went back for more and I started to wonder if this was becoming dinner—while I think normal eaters would just go with it, for me this caused a lot of anxiety! I told myself it was okay, went with it, and made some jokes about potato chips for dinner. Feeling guilty, I was going to go home and basically feel sorry for myself but I met up with a friend for pedicures instead! I am so glad I didn’t bail.  Talking to someone always helps, even if you talk about nothing in particular!

After my toes were pretty, I went to the mall and did a little damage at lululemon because I feel like I’m wearing all old stuff and it was time for some updates! I also got the fall soaps from Bath and Body Works. The fall and the Christmas ones are awesome, but I am for SURE in love with the fall ones!

I went to Chapters afterwards and bought a book I’ve been wanting about cake pops! I can’t wait to have a new hobby to add to the cupcake/cake decorating I love! I hope mine come out like these pics:

cupcakesmonkeystreesturkeys

When I got home, I was getting hungry. I really was hoping I wouldn’t feel hungry, but it came on strong and I knew I would have to eat something and something substantial. I thought I’d have a bowl of cereal (“safe”) but I actually felt hungry for a sandwich and something crunchy (more chips?). I only had pretzels, so I made a sandwich and had some pretzels, telling myself that it’s better to overeat (i.e. the foods at the party) than it is to restrict and end up bingeing. I am also enjoying a mocha (decaf, of course) from Starbucks and am really trying to do just that—enjoy it.

This week has been tough with all of the excitement, changes, and anticipation. I think my stomach-ache has a lot to do with anxiety, but I’m really trying to calm down! Tomorrow is a busy day—training all day, a quick interview for an article for Canadian Cycling Magazine, and then a shift at lululemon. People who work two jobs in the same day on a regular basis officially amaze me…I’ll be glad for a long weekend, that’s for sure!

I really didn’t want to blog today—it meant admitting that I’m struggling and that I feel really out of control with my eating. Coupled with a lack of motivation for my training, I am scared. I’ve felt this way before and I’ve let it get to me, leading me to overexercise and restrict, and that is how I got to a heavy weight/bulimia/obsessiveness before I started restricting/overexercising/even more obsessiveness.  Good thing I’m putting a stop to it now—it’s really not worth it. I’m trusting that the overeating will balance out. I don’t feel good when I eat too much, and I don’t like being hungry or feeling deprived if I don’t have what I want.  I think the logical thing is to eat intuitively, which I am really trying to do (for the first time actually trusting myself—normally when I attempt this, I get too scared as soon as I get into this part where I feel uncomfortable and guilty for eating). All of the ‘mistakes’ I’m making or the days that I feel like I’ve done something wrong, I am learning a lesson, so it’s 100% worth it!

That’s all – I’m off to read and try to relax a little before bed. I’m taking a rest day tomorrow even though I have workouts on the schedule. I think a real rest day is in order but a really busy rest day will have to do!

Have you tried Bath and Body Works’ soap? Would you ever go back?
What’s a hobby you’d like to take up?
What’s your favorite food at a potluck – chips? desserts? crackers and cheese?
Have you ever tried to move to Intuitive Eating? How long did the process take?
Do you ever feel guilty for giving yourself an extra day off here or there? How do you deal with it?

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