I am home and mostly unpacked after a somewhat long day with
too much just enough time to think! If you know me, you’ll know that time to think means time to worry BUT also generally to get my head wrapped around things.
I had breakfast at the hotel today – oatmeal and brown sugar with milk and a banana (simple, yum, took a little bit of humming and ha-ing before I decided it was OKAY to have what I was hungry for). A really pricey breakfast—with the coffee and tip it was 10 dollars! Dang—I shoulda had the instant package of oats I had leftover in my bag! Oh well, I sat in the restaurant and enjoyed the ‘company’ of the other diners for a while and read the newspaper so I guess it was worth it for the experience.
I didn’t go to the hotel gym this morning – instead I talked to my mother on the phone because I was in the midst of a little crisis. I am anticipating a busy week, month, and year, to be honest. I know what’s most important and I need to keep that in mind but already I am starting to worry about what I’m going to do about my workout routine, eating, etc. and I know this is far less important than considering how I’m going to balance school and work and writing for the Gazette (which I realized I am SO looking forward to, maybe even more than being back in class!), manage to apply for grad school, and keep having FUN along the way!
The airport went smoothly and I even ran into a friend I worked with at the gym, which made waiting around for our flight a little more exciting. I had a sandwich and some kettle cooked chips (again, I had to tell myself over and over again that it was okay to eat them) on the plane and had a nice conversation with the people sitting on either side of me. Sadly, my flying companions have not been tall dark and handsome single males in med school BUT I’ve gotten pretty lucky in terms of having nice, non-smelly people to talk to!
I had a lot of time to read and think and here’s some of what I came up with:
- I’d like to stick to those ‘rules’ I was talking about yesterday.
- I’d like to, after my triathlon (and the half marathon I’m thinking of) look forward to a more RELAXED method of exercising – maybe letting myself play it by year rather than saying that on Monday through Friday I am going to get up at this time and do this or go to this class at this time with this instructor or so and so. I’d like to be able to get up, feel like going for a swim, and just do it or conversely, stay up late for whatever one night and sleep in instead, work all day, and then find that what I really feel like doing is a yoga class or maybe a walk or perhaps just sitting on my papazan chair with a book (preferably a non-fitness related book).
- I really define myself as an athlete and I really don’t know if this is how I want things to be. Yes I like to read magazines about triathlon or about health and fitness. DO NOT GET ME WRONG—I am passionate about living a healthy lifestyle. BUT I also like to shop, I think if I had more confidence in it I’d like to take more time to plan my outfits, to have a style, etc. and to get into this kind of writing. I don’t HAVE to box myself in this early on. Maybe my career and my writing are meant to be separate from my training and maybe my training will evolve to include other things (trail running, eh?). Maybe I’m just tired of the same old same old and need a break through the winter (cross country skiing, anyone?) to get me back on track but at one point I seriously considered finishing a half ironman or an ironman as important as going to grad school. Delusional much?
- I want to move towards Intuitive Eating and also towards the intuitive exercise (see above point) that the book talks about. If you haven’t read about it, READ IT NOW. I just started reading Run Eat Repeat and she’s dedicated to doing the same while she keeps training.
- I want to do a lot of cool races – destination ones, theme ones, different distances, and for different causes. Notice I said I want to DO them. For so long I thought I really needed to bust my ass and ended up overtraining. Recently I decided that I needed to be smart and methodical about my training (I’m in kin for crying out loud). Now I realize that somewhere between control freak and doing as much as physically possible, there is a happy medium! It’s time that I fine tune that so that I can stay where training for cycling, triathlon, running, swimming, whatever is still FUN but also is safe, effective, and at least makes some sense! There’s still got to be room for a random kickbox workout or maybe for some yoga in my ideal world and right now I don’t feel like I have that freedom, making me wonder if maybe I’m not too regimented for my liking. Maybe I’m giving up a future of age grouper medals, but I am not sure if I want to be a really competitive athlete or just a really dedicated, passionate, and HEALTHY/BALANCED athlete. I think part of me fears ‘letting myself go’ if I don’t have a plan, but this is ridiculous! I love exercising too much to really let myself go and I’d still see results with a more relaxed approach.
- I am giving the wrong things too much energy and the right things not enough: I am going to try to shift my focus back to more time with friends/family, more time doing what makes me happy (i.e. writing, volunteering at the Gazette, doing stuff with the C Rec website, etc.), balancing exercise and rest (i.e. taking rest days even if they’re not on the training plan, choosing the races that seem like FUN, etc.), and towards healthy things (i.e. eating more fruits and vegetables, sleeping more, and stressing less).
LOTS, huh? And to think, I also finished reading The Great Fitness Experiment (which you should all immediately go buy). The author is HILARIOUS and scarily similar to me. When I say tonight I just about had a breakdown before I could sort my mind out (i.e. a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough…a binge to have a breakthrough sometimes is what gets me there, but at any rate, it takes a low point to have an epiphany for me), I can’t believe how well she summed it up in her Control Freak blog post (which is also in the book). She writes…
“The problem with being a control freak though is that eventually the pressure becomes too immense and you crack under the weight of all the expectations you heap on yourself. When this happens to me I go down hard. I fight and fight (or run and run) and then when I have no energy left, I cry and cry. When that is over and I’m completely spent, I experience one of those rare moments of thoughtful stillness. And so it was tonight. Life has a way of reteaching you important lessons until you learn them.”
Amen to that!
Do you mind eating out alone?
What’s your favorite breakfast to order when you’re out?
Do you talk to the people next to you on a plane?
What’s your dream race?
What’s your goal when you ‘train’?
Do you plan your workouts? How far in advance?
How do you learn the important things best?