Dear Diary…

perfect
This sums it up. I took a long time last night to look at where I am and where I want to be…

Sometimes hitting ‘rock bottom’ is necessary to figure out your next step. I think that’s what was going on with me yesterday.  It takes going away, getting out of your normal day to day routine, to shake things up and make you realize what you need to adjust.

Things I need to value more:

  • writing – freelancing, blogging, and volunteering at the Gazette
  • doing a good job at work (lulu and C rec) – integrity, getting involved, staying motivated
  • rest and relaxation – realizing that I will be more productive, stronger, and more capable if I take time to really recharge
  • relationships
  • health – eating right, exercising for health, and figuring out what works for me
  • money – saving, spending on the right things, etc.

Steps:

  • spend less time on facebook and more time writing, reading, and talking to friends and family
  • only buy things that I really want to bring into my life, not needless junk
  • give up excessive gum chewing that is a remnant of my e.d.

I read a few helpful articles off of the eating disorders review section of the Gurze Books website last night when I couldn’t get to sleep.  Two in particular, one about weight and one about giving up your eating disorder stuck out to me. The one about weight had a couple of questions to see if you’re really where you need to be:

  • Do you eat when your body is hungry and stop when it is satisfied?  – In general, yes.
  • Do you eat from all the food groups and eat foods that you enjoy? – When I am feeling strong in my recovery, yes. When I start to restrict even subconsciously, I set myself up for a binge.  This means I need to consciously include all food groups and carbs, protein, and fat at each meal to stay on the path to healthy!
  • Do you have good energy? – Now that my exercise has shifted towards training rather than working out to lose weight, I feel much more energetic. I still have my low days, but I think this is normal!
  • Do you treat yourself like you would a good friend?  – This one I have struggled with in the past – there was a long stretch where I didn’t even feel like making my bed, doing my dishes, brushing my hair, etc. Now I try to take care of myself, but things like not doing my laundry or like going to bed without taking off my makeup, not using my lotion, etc. are signs that I need to be a little bit better to myself! Before I was clueless, at least now I can recognize when I’m not giving myself the love I deserve!
  • Do you deal with your feelings when they come up? – Via blogging, yes! I still get caught up in things and as you know if you’ve read, sometimes turn to old habits, but for the most part, I am dealing with things in much healthier ways than ever before.

When I can answer yes to all of these questions without these little conditions that I seem to see on all of them (“Yes, but…”), I’ll be that much closer to recovered.

What are some of your answers to these questions?
What do you want to spend less time doing in your life?
What bad habits do you have?

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