Potato chips = victory?

Hey there! I woke up today feeling a little gross…last night I dipped into the chocolates I had left over from baking the beaver cupcakes (Canada Day is fast approaching!) from Canadian Living.

beavers seem appropriate for Canada Day!bulk barn loved me!

mine are cuter…

bulk barn loved me!

I always find that I ‘lapse’ (like the authors of Overcoming Overeating, which you can read on google books there, call what some people call ‘relapses’) when I let myself get too tired, too stressed, and too hung up on little things.  Feeling a little guilty over going out/drinking on Saturday night, sleeping for only 4 hours, and going to the gym instead of cleaning my apartment as planned and then working (even though I LOVED the shift!) added up to whole lotta tired! That, paired with some other things I’ve had on my mind lately, led me to overeat. Nothing like the binges I used to have, nothing to feel guilty about, but definitely something I’m not proud of.  Still, when you can learn from your binges (like HealthyGirl.org blogs about there), it’s not a bad thing! 
Waking up feeling bloated (even if it’s all in my head) was tough. It took a lot out of me to not rush to the gym to ‘pay for my sins’ but that is the old yo-yo cycle that I am trying so hard to stay away from.  For a few seconds, I considered throwing away the rest of the ‘junk food’ I keep around, another sign that Ed was trying to take over and use last night to his advantage.  Instead, I cleaned my apartment, did my laundry, and then went for a bike ride in the sun. It was lovely! After I did a short run (coach’s orders) that felt really slow (but that was the point!).

As a side note to that, I’m going to try water running later this week. I’m looking forward to it, though I’m hoping a friend can show me how to do it properly! I’m new to all of this. With a wide open afternoon, I was starting to get anxious when my sister told me she was going to Sarnia for the afternoon. I felt better knowing that I had something to do — better to the point where I could deal with the fact that I had an insane. craving. for. potato. chips.   I don’t know where it came from. I know that I felt wrong for wanting to eat them, but I revisited my copy of Intuitive Eating (this book was a major help for me) and checked out the author’s website. She lists the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating.  Three and Four are huge for me:

3. Make Peace with Food.

Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.

4. Challenge the Food Police.

Scream a loud “NO” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under 1000 calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.

So with my normal turkey sandwich, I had a bowl of chips. I surprised myself and had just the bowl and a few extra when I was fixing my lunch–not like normal, where I’d keep eating or snarf so many while I was fixing my plate that I’d feel terrible before I even sat down to eat them!

turkey sandwich + potato chips (PC aged cheddar and onion thick cut chips<--so good!)

I’d call that a victory…

The rest of the day went well! I had a real coffee (a short one from Starbucks, with a little bit of cream in it), and then went shopping with my sister (I miss her WAY too much), went to Tory’s Ashtanga class (I cried, it was good, etc.), and then came back to London.  In there I had another ‘scary’ snack (almonds with my carrot sticks) that hasn’t been scary for a long time (another indication that Ed is trying to rear his ugly head) and when I got back to London I fixed a real dinner instead of ‘just having a salad’.

brown/wild rice, leftover pork, spinach, and goat cheese

All in all, I feel strong!

Tomorrow I’m working but first I’ll be going for a swim and trying to get down to work on the writing assignments I’ve got…

In closing, here are  my tips (from personal experience) for staying strong after a lapse:

  1. As you’d like to forget what happened, remind yourself that you slipped up because something is off. Try to figure out what it is and how you can try to fix it.
  2. Don’t weigh yourself. I don’t keep a scale around and part of my recovery is avoiding them, but if you have one around (or your roommates or family do), resist the urge to see just how ‘bad’ you were.  Depending on what you ate, you could be retaining water and then you would really be ‘bad’. If you’ve purged, you might weigh less and then you’d be ‘okay’ or even ‘good’. Either way, you’re confirming what Ed wants to hear.
  3. Try talking about it.  I know for some people this is hard. Even if you talk about it to yourself in a journal, it’s better than nothing. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
  4. Fix yourself a normal meal.  If breakfast is your next meal and you wake up feeling bloated, try drinking some water and maybe waiting a little, but don’t skip your meal! If you make it and you start eating and really don’t want it, listen to your hunger, but don’t restrict just because you feel like you need to make up for a binge.
  5. Don’t go to the gym first thing.  This is tough for me and it’s sometimes hard to admit when it’s Ed pushing me to go ‘work off’ the binge or when it’s the healthy part of me trying to find a way to soothe myself.  I find it’s better, though way tougher, to wait out the morning if possible and to go work out with a healthy mindset later on or to take the day off entirely.  In the past, exercise for me has been a compensatory behaviour and just a replacement for purging, so I’d much rather be safe and healthy than sorry!
  6. Read. I like blogs, books, and articles that remind me that I am not alone and that steer me back on to the path to recovery.
  7. Do something scary (i.e. eat potato chips) that Ed is screaming at you not to. Show him who’s boss…

 How do you guys get motivated to get started on something you’ve been putting off (i.e. a writing assignment? maybe a paper or an essay?)
Has anyone tried water running?
Does anyone else get frustrated with ‘easy’ effort workouts? How do you get through them without feeling slow?
Does anyone have any ideas for cute cupcakes with a summer theme? I’m stuck…


One response to “Potato chips = victory?

  1. Sandra Hamilton

    Thank you save my day ❤

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